+At the Mo+ Actor:
Johnny Depp Actress:
~ Movie:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Singer:
~ Band:
~ Song:
~ Anime:
Gankutsuou Game:
The Sims 2 Drink:
~ Nails:
~
+In My CD Player+ >> Godsmack: Awake
1. Sick of Life
2. Awake
3. Greed
4. Bad Magick
5. Goin' Down
6. Mistakes
7. Trippin'
8. Forgive Me
9. Vampires
10. The Journey
11. Spiral
+Anime+
Lupin the 3rd
Cowboy Bebop
Fushigi Yuugi
Detective Conan
Fruits Basket
Gundam Wing
Angel Sanctuary
Trigun
FLCL
Tenchi Muyo!
The Slayers
Oh! My Goddess!
Vampire Hunter D
Inuyasha
DBZ/GT
Spirited Away
Princess Mononoke
Is it weird to often have dreams about a teacher ?? I swear ... I keep have reocurring dreams about a former Algebra 2/ Trigometry teacher I had last year. (or really earlier this year since I had him only 2nd semester ... but yea) It's *really* weird and kinda hard to believe. I *hated* that class and my feelings for him were about the same. He had his days tho when he was funny or slightly interesting, but the rest of the time I just kinda wanted to throw a book at him for being so darn rigid about the way he taught class. Hes not that attractive ... but I keep having dreams where we're flirting. And it seems like we get closer in each dream I have. WTF is up with THAT? Why can't I dream about someone ELSE ... why can't it be like Orlando Bloom or Jeff Hardy or someone ... I need to read my "How to Interpret Your Dreams" book and see if that gives me any insight as to what the hell these dreams mean. Or maybe ... its just a preminition ... but since I've never met whoever it is that's in my dream, I just label him as my former teacher because they look alike, or share some other common quality. I had that with my ex bf: A few months before we formally met and starting dating, I had a dream about our first kiss, but I labeled the guy I had kissed as a friend of mine ... then later realized that my ex looked a lot more like the guy in my dream than my friend. But I dunno. Things are weird.
Another thing that's been kinda different lately: I've been feeling really antisocial the past month or so. I don't know what it is ... but I haven't really been feeling much like going out or even talking to anyone. I very much value my alone time. Time to think, reflect, put myself back together. I used to be all upset when people wouldn't call me or go somewhere with me or invite me somewhere. But as of late I've been quite the opposite ... haven't wanted anyone to call me, don't need to go with someone somewhere, don't want to go out. I enjoy my time at home in my room doing nothing, and my car rides home from work with just my music playing. This is one reason I left the phrase from my last layout on this blog: I need serenity. Because I really feel like I do. I got that, for those of you who don't know, from a song by Godsmack, sensibly titled "Serenity." This is also the song playing in the backgroun, so take a gander at the lyrics:
"Serenity"
As I sit here and slowly close my eyes I take another deep breath And feel the wind pass through my body I'm the one in your soul Reflecting inner light Protect the ones who hold you Cradling your inner child
I need serenity In a place where I can hide I need serenity Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don't know And how do we relight the flame when it's cold Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing And when will we learn to control
Tragic visions slowly stole my life Tore away everything Cheating me out of my time I'm the one who loves you No matter wrong or right And every day I hold you I hold you with my inner child
I need serenity In a place where I can hide I need serenity Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don't know And how do we relight the flame when it's cold Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing And when will we learn to control
Where do we go when we just don't know And how do we relight the flame when it's cold Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing And when will we learn to control
I need serenity I need serenity
Ugh I am in excrutiating pain ... my back is *killing* me. Grr it hurts so bad but I'm going to the chiropractor tomorrow and that should fix things. I swear tho my back has never hurt *this* bad. Oh well. What can ya do. My mom showed me today that we were approved for a loan, meaning we've got a new house. I think around the first of January I should be moving in, if not already in, the new house, just across the neighborhood. Kinda stupid sounding, I know but it *is* a nice house ... and that means I won't have to worry about rearranging my driving or anything ... not my much anyway. But yea ... I think that does me for now. Oyasumi ~
OMFG what a hard day!! I had an Accounting report due today about my life up till now and how I see myself in ten years ( yea did I mention this is in ACCOUNTING ..?! wtf mates ) that I didn't even know was due today. It's not like I forgot ... or like I just plain didn't do it ... but I didn't even KNOW the MF was due today ... I just told the teacher that I left my poster (that doesn't exist yet) at home, but that I would do half of my oral presentation without it. I'm so tired of falling behind in school ... not knowing when things are due ... being too tired to do homework or study ... slackin on reports and projects ... but it's so hard to go to school from 7:15 to 1:00 then go STRAIGHT into work until 5 or later and then come home and jump into my homework. I just want to relax after I get home ... but there's just no time. Let's see ... today I have to do that poster ... precal .... read a section in government ... read my english assignment, study for an analogy test ... and I should really read Lord of the Flies too. Not to mention I need to fix a spelling error I made on the company christmas cards so we can finally get those made and sent out. *SIGH* School is too damn complicated.
..... OOH DINNER TIME!!! WHEEE!
AH that spaghetti was SO good! I feel SO much better now. It's amazing what effect food can have on a person ... specially a depressed beligerent one. That was my first real meal today since breakfast. Ah but anyway. Nice to be back everyone ... I'll soon lift the password but I still don't think it's quite time. Till later ~ Oyasumi XD
well guess what?! that post i made? YEA it got back to the office! I was backstabbed again! I was betrayed! How suprising. So if you're reading this right now you should consider yourself very very lucky. Because of what happened, I have been forced to password my blog. I assume trust in noone anymore. I have been betrayed and backstabbed for the last time. I should've fucking known. Oh wait but I DID. And I STILL posted. Well excuse me for trusting someone, and excuse me for expressing my opinion on a personal website. It's cottage hill all over again. Thanks a lot. I just want to go crawl into bed, go to sleep and never wake up again. I hate my life. I can't stand all this shit that keeps happening to me. I'm not a bad person. Why, God does this stuff keep happening to me?? WHY?! What have I done to constantly deserve this shit? *sigh* I just don't know anymore. I can't keep acting like everythings OK. I fucking hate this. Why won't anything ever get better? I cant stand it anymore. Somebody help me please ...
omfg i'm so depressed. i'm not even in the mood to capitalize my words so just deal with it. i just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep for a looooooong time. i am just so fucking depresed and its making me sick. i can't take it anymore and i just don't know what to do.
*sigh*
i just give up. i can't win. so many things keep going wrong i just don't know how to deal anymore. i'm sorry for being such a failure at life, everyone. i just suck at it and thats how it is.
unnh i have so many stupid problems and i just don't see how to fix them. i've already blogged about most of them so i won't reiterate. one new thing tho that i've tried to refrain from bloggin about is my work life. i really didn't mind it at first besides the fact that its kinda boring sometimes ... but lately it really upsets me. i work for my dad as a secretary, but its another woman that tells me what to do. she was all nice and kewl at first ... ... however it seems the past .... 3 weeks maybe i suddenly can't do anything right and i'm a total failure at everything she assigns me to do. i don't understand. I'M SO SORRY I SUCK AT BEING SECRETARY. I'M SO FUCKING SORRY I'M NOT YOU AND I'M NOT PERFECT. i would quit if i gave up on things that easily and i didn't need the money and knew it wouldnt dissapoint my dad. *sigh* it seems like shes thinks of me as a slacker and that im taking advantage of my dad for this job. and it seems i can never redeem myself. its only 4 hours but those are the hardest and slowest 4 hrs to go through most of the time. i'm usually not home until 5.30 and then i have to eat dinner, take a shower and then find some time to do my homework. i really don't belong there ... i was organizing a company scrapbook today and found myself so entrothed in coloring, placing, arranging and captioning the scrapbook ... ... i actually felt happy and contented. yea i suck at being secretary. i dont answer phones right: im rude and unprofessional. i dont type labels right: they're off alignment by a quarter of an inch. i'm stupid because i didn't know the 'library' room had a name. im secretly trying to crash the network by fixing a computer, oh and i know little about them. and i'm cheating on my timesheets by eating lunch and working at the same time. and if anyone was dumb enough to take all that literally ... maybe they should just calmy close this window out and go read something straightforward and explicit. and this is in the event that this SOMEHOW gets back to the office and i'm called in to talk about 'how i feel' toward my job, my preformance and the unamed woman. my accounting teacher today mentioned to class about how accountants are anal-perfectionists (not in those words of course XD) and damn is it ever true in her case. but oh well. i hope none of you think i hate her ... because she has done nothing personal to me to make me feel that strongly about it. i just don't like working for her. and thats how i'm going to leave it. i'm not going to come on here and bitch about it, mud-sling and slander the situation because #1 it really makes the writer seem less intelligent and #2 a freak situation occurs, this makes it to her awareness and then i'm reprimanded for my 'mistake.' life is too damn difficult. and it sucls. and i suck at it. but theres nothing i can do but deal ... so i'm off to deal with my shitty life and finish my homework. hope y'all's day was atleast a little better than mine ... oyasu.
Yea I should be studying Hard Times for a test I have tomorrow, but as you can see, I have chosen to exercise my right to free will and blog and waste time instead. After all, thats the true American way, ne? Today was kewl tho, I got to take off work ( boy was THAT a much needed vacation! ) and had a chiropractor appointment, then I went to Atlanta Bread Company and had a kick-ass panini for lunch, saved half for dinner, then went and got my flu-mist and then got to go to my therapist ^_^ . So after the therapist, I went to Davis' house, picked him up, then I ate my awesome panini and we then proceded to the library to research more stuff for our Government paper we have due on the 9th. Then, after that, about 8, Davis decided that he wanted to get some paint for his little Duo model, so we headed to WalMart. After wasting some time, meandering around WallyWorld, gettin Davis' paint, I decided we needed some candy. And that was an awesome idea. We got movie-box sized Bottlecaps, 2 Reeses's pieces, Nerds, Gobbstoppers and 2 giant chocolate bars. It so reeks of awesomeness. I'm eating a coke-flavored bottlecap now .... mmm .... ^_^ Yea so anyways .... I'll be on a good sugar rush the next week or so XD but overall, a pretty good day if'n I do say so mahself. I just wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow ... or everyday really. Oh well. Atleast I get paid ... ... but anyways ... just wanted to make a quick post ... so now I'm off to bed and study Hard Times. Oyasuminasai ^_~
New month, new layout. This is actually a reincarnation of a previous layout from a previous blog of mine that I had before switching to tBLOG. And I woulda stayed there had it not been for their damn ad banners they decided to suddenly press upon me. OH well ... (the guy in the banner by the way is Johnny Depp)
I've picked up my Janne Da Arc CDs and started listening to them again. I forgot how great they are ^_^ . I can't understand most of what they're saying but damn, they're just the greatest band ever. Can't deny it! XD
I hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine went something like this:
FRIDAY Btw, my middle/grammer school bud Lindsey moved back from Pennsylvania (like I thought she would ^_~) so I'm glad to have her back! Anyways - Friday after work, I went home and Lindsey came over about 6 and we chilled and waited for Cat ... who we had to eventually go and pick up since she was taking a while gettin ready, but it was all kewl cause Linz and I went to KFC and ate popcorn chicken XD. So then, we drove to my future home near the college I'm going to be attending next fall (it was my granma's old house before she moved earlier this year) which also happens to be like 2 minutes from the Fairgrounds. Oh, and the fair was in town this week also btw. So after pickin up Cat, drivin across town and chillin at that house for an hour or so we left about 10 and went to the fair for Midnight Madness. And I need to just add this in: I have always had a high respect for cops, especially since a friend of mine's dad was a cop, so what I'm about to tell you was really disapointing for me. But anyway. As we pull in, two cops are directing us, one showing us where to park, the other pulling us into the space. We get out, and one cop yells " Oh look, its a John Kerry fan who can park straight! " ( referring to the John Kerry sticker on the back of my car ... ) I couldn't believe it ... and then as we walk away he says " Better make sure your seats aren't wet when you come back! " WTF mates ... not only was that simply uncalled for ... but it came from a figure that I had always looked up to. Fuck that. Thinking about it now I really wish I could've said: " I really had a lot of respect for cops, but now, I see you really aren't anything more that what everyone says. Thats really sad and disapointing. I hope you feel better now. " But ya know I only think of things like that to say after the fact. Then it just does no good. *sigh* So anyway. Midnight Madness was a frickin blast. Linz, Cat and I had an awesome time riding all the rides. I'm so glad we went. Then, about 1:30 AM, we decided to head home. And after walking that hellishly long distance to the car, we get in and guess what ? THE CAR WON'T START. Brilliant. It doesn't even turn over. Looks like a battery problem ... so blah blah blah we get stuck in the parking lot of the fair until like 3AM before we can finally get someone with jumper cables big enough and an engine strong enough to jump us off. And as it turns out, my battery was fine. It just needed more water put in the cell things. Big fucking coincidence tho, huh ? I thought so. But no matter how many ways I think about it, I just can't find away to blame it on those cops. Damnit all. I'm kinda glad it happened tho, because Cat wanted to sneak out later that night and I really didn't want to, but it so happened she was too tired to after we finally got home. ^_^
SATURDAY Linz and I palled around, went to the mall etc etc. before we dressed up in our costumes and went to the long-awaited McGill-Toolen vs. Davidson football game. (we won 35-10 btw XD) Game was kewl, I went and saw Tim who's in the band for the opposing side, introduced him to Linz ... blah blah basic football game stuff. Then after the game, me and Linz went to Davidson to meet Cat and Bri as their buses came in from the stadium. We all decided to go to Waffle House ... blah blah. Cat I guess assumed I was going to take her home .. but I never actually said " yes, I'll take you home " I kind of gave a middle-of-road response. My mom called however on the way to Waffle House and told me to come home as soon as possible after we ate, and knowing Waffle House, that wasn't going to take more than 30 minutes or so. So Cat still wanted me to take her home and just not tell my parents. And I really wouldn't have minded doing that except for the fact that they expected me home within a certiain time, which meant I didn't have the time to take her home. So, I know her and Bri's nature, how they're sarcastic and bitchy and its really funny and cute, but ya know sometimes you can only take so much of it before you begin to take it personally. Cat, talking to Lindsay V (diff Lindsay) says " Hey, can you do me a big favor and take me home? " ... she replies asking wasn't I taking her home to which she says " No, bitch-face isn't taking me home." K. Thats alright ... I've been called worse by them before. But then after we pay, she goes back to Lindsay V while Bri's in the bathroom and asks again if she can take her home. Lindsay then asks why I can't take her home. And Cat replies " She can't take me home, shes afraid of her parents. They've got her whipped. " Wow. Now talk about good friends. I don't really care if she was joking or not but that really hurt. I just said " Mhm ... yea well I think I'm going to go now." And I just left. But did Cat give a shit? Hell no. And thats what I get for being such a good friend to her. I just don't understand why she and Bri are nice to me when they're seperate but while their together they show no mercy on me. It was really funny at first but they're really starting to take it a little far. I can't change them, but maybe they'll change themselves ... I can atleast pray.
SUNDAY ( halloween :} ) So after that little encounter, I was really not in the mood to spend much time with them. I went to the gym with my dad and my bro, worked out a bit ... Bri called, invited me to trick-or-treat with her, Johnathan and Chris called to invited me to Chris' for a bonfire and trick-or-treating. Kewl. We finished working out and went to the T-Mobile store to look at gettin some new cell phones. I didn't expect to get a new one that day, but the three of us all walked out with a total of 4 new Nokia T6010s for the family. Pretty nifty if I do say so mahself. We immediatly went to the mall and bought new faceplates so we could tell them apart. I got a really pretty solid blue one ^_^. But anyways. We then went to Panera Bread to eat dinner, and on the way home we picked up Davis so he could accompany me trick-or-treating that night. So, after we got home and I got ready, we drove to Bri's. Got there, Bri only gets Cat's bag and a bag for herself, not even bothering to get one for me or Davis and thats even after I asked for one. Whatever. So we walked around awhile ... blah blah. Then after gettin back to Bri's, Davis and I left to go to Chris'. I really didn't want to be around them if they were going to treat me like that any longer. I already wasn't in the mood. I try to just get over it but it's hard sometimes. And I know if one of them reads this theres a chance they'll get really offended. But I'm sorry it hurts me, ok? Thats just how I am. I can take beratement pretty well on the outside, but don't always let that fool you. SO ... Davis and I get lost on the way to Chris', but we eventually find the way and it's all kewl. And THEY atleast thought to give us bags to trick-or-treat with. So we actually got some candy this time around. ^_^ blah blah anyways ... nothing exciting really happened. Davis and I left a bit early since I knew Davis wasn't havin the best time cause those aren't exactly his favorite people, but I really appreciated him going along. I don't care what anybody says but he's always been there to talk to if Bri and Cat (or anyone really) have shunned me, whether on purpose or not ... like Homecoming weekend, but let's not go into that anymore. So anyways. I'm not trying to cause controversy between anyone, I'm just calling things how I see em. Cat and Bri, if y'all really don't mean for me to take what you say and do so literally, let me know every so often by trying not to act like you hate me. I'd really appreciate it.
SO how was y'all's weekend? Got in minid who you're gonna vote for? *sigh* Another thing that really put me in a bad mood this weekend is this reoccuring feeling of wanting to be loved. It really sucks to see all these couples and then just be standing there only imagining how good it must feel to be in someone else's arms. I think right now, that's one thing that would make me soo happy and contented atleast. Just to be outside, (if the damn weather ever realizes its fucking NOVEMBER AND NOT AUGUST ANYMORE) at night, in each other's arms, looking up at the placid night sky ... ah ... so sappy. Damn I hate my life. I wonder if I'll ever love again. I just hope God's hiding something really spectacular for me. All this crap I'm going thru is just sometimes unbearable. But I feel like it'll all be worth it at some point ... it just seems like that point isn't anywhere close by ... and won't be happenig anytime soon. Depression. Sadness. Loneliness. Sentence fragments are the only way to express how I truly feel. But then again I don't even think that can sum it up. Oh well. Keserasera, ne? Thanks for wasting your time reading about how much my life sucks. I appreciate your comments ... ^_^ Oyasuminasai ~
I don't mean to act like I'm self-centered, but has anyone else ever felt unappreciated? I feel like sometimes I do so much for other people but never seem to get anything in return. And don't get me wrong, I don't expect to get anything in return when I go out of my way to do something for someone else, but it's nice to know, even in the smallest way, that everything I do is truly appreciated. And to all my friends who read this, don't take this personally because I'm speaking very generally here. I'm not aiming this at any one person or situation, so don't assume anything. Anyway. I love making people happy. It just makes me feel good inside to know I did something that made someone else smile. And I don't mind going out of my way or spending a little extra money if it gives me the feeling that I made someone else's day just that much better. But you do so much sometimes, and you go unacknowledged for so long that you just don't have that desire to make others happy anymore. And you begin to question; what really is the point of spending that extra dollar or going that extra mile or taking that extra minute just to make someone else happy? It really doesn't benefit *me* any. So I guess that's what I'm feelin right about now. *sigh* Its been like this for me all my life. I wonder why it still bothers me ... I guess I just refuse to accept the fact that people really are unappreciative by nature. Oh well. Guess some things you can never change.
Yay! I'm so glad! And no I don't have to worry about having to study for exams and plan my trip to Numa at the same time!! AND I'll be 18 by then and maybe I can drive by myself!!! OMFG THAT MEANS I CAN GO TO CLUB NUMA!!!!! YAOIIIIIIII!!!! XXDDD XD Yay!!! So anyways.
I saw Shuan of the Dead last night with my buds Davis and Josh. That was a GOOD movie. I'll admit, it's not one of those movies I'm going to be raving on and on about, but it IS definitely worth seeing. Definitely.
Yea, I also had to take the ACT this morning. I hate standardized tests with an ardent passion. I really just wanted to give up like halfway thru the damn thing. I really hope I did ok. More than that I really hope I can get a 27 so I can double my scholarship money. Just ONE point more thats all I want. But oh well. Its in the past now so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Hhhmm. I really hate that my love life is basically nonexistent. I still kinda like Chris, but I've basically given up on him. It's too difficult to figure out whats really going on so ... whatever. Whatever happens will happen and if its good, thats great and if its not, I'll get over it.
Yea I really did have more to talk about but I forget most of it now ... oh well. Maybe later. Ja ne~!
YAY! I got my 'official' homecoming pics back today!! I was so worried they wouldn't come out good but I nearly peed on myself when I saw them. They look soooo damn good. I'm so happy!! XD *shout, flourish* Anyways, I'll post some more pics (I have LOADS to post) when I get around to it, but for now, enjoy my 'official' pic. ^_^ (sorry for the bad quality -_-)
Yea, I guess I could call myself a hopeless romantic. I'm in a really good mood right now ... like I've just found a new love, but its actually quite the contrary. My love life sucks ... like it usually does. Nothing new in that department. I guess it's because I saw another episode of this new show called 'Life as We Know It.' I kinda feel weird watching it and actually liking it because, just by the name, and the fact that it's on ABC, it seems like one of those 'hit prime-time TV shows' that the preps go to school and talk about during class. But then again, I don't care. I really enjoy watching it. It makes me feel all giddy XD ... and schtuff.
And speaking of love life ... I don't remember what post it was ... but I think I said something about calling Chris, asking him if he liked me (mistake) gettin easily put down and then deciding I didn't like him anymore really anyway. Maybe I didn't post that, but now you know. ANYWAYS: It's *really* hard to stop liking him ... I guess I'm just being stubborn but I really am trying not to like him and just forget about trying to get any closer to him than I am now. Oh well. I'm just trying not to think about love in general right now. And that really sucks because I'm a very affectionate person and love to flirt within reason (meaning I'm not loose and wouldn't flirt with just any guy - just to make that clear). So yea. I kinda feel like something in the back of mind is telling me that something good is coming ... like I should just keep on doing what I'm doing and it will happen. Maybe that's what's got me in a good mood: the fact that I feel like something WILL happen, not the fact that nothing's happening right now. So anyway. I apologize for the horrible wording. I could've writtin all that a lot better but I'm distracted and this isn't on the top of my list right now. But don't you worry, I'll be back later and I'll give you a better post. How's that sound? Good? Good. Ja ne ^_~
I meant to post this Friday night, but I accidentally deleted the post and then it took me a while to get around to re-writing it again. So just imagine I posted this on Friday.
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Since I have more bad things to say than good, I'll start with the good. I got a date to homecoming, and even tho its just as friends, I got asked by one of the guys whom I wanted to ask me (that guy being chris). I got my hair dyed the other day and I really like it. Also, we won our homecoming game 27-4. And thats about it for the good.
Now I have a super-sized helping of strife. Hope you're hungry.
This whole week the plans for homecoming tomorrow have changed over and over again. The original plan was to spend the night together (Me, Bri and Cat), then all go get our hair and nails done and get ready together etc etc. But Cat's parents aren't in town, so naturally I can't spend the night over there. And I'm fine with that really. And at first, Bri's parents weren't allowing her to spend the night at Cat's either for the same reasons. So I suggest that we spend the night at my house. But no, Cat wants to stay at her house ... just because her parents aren't there ... ok. Then Bri and I decide to just sleepover here. It's all good still. And since Cat still wanted to get her nails done, Bri and I would go do stuff while Cat and her older sister (Eva) go get Cat's stuff done. But then yesterday, Bri tells me she can't spend the night because her mom got mad at her for the plans constantly changing ... which I found a bit odd ... but didn't argue. So I just tell her to find a ride over here in the morning and our plans will continue, or hell I said I'd even come pick her up. But no, Cat and Eva are going to pick her up after they get their nails done. Uh ... ok then. So today, I decide to cancel my hair appointment after finding out how much it would cost to get it put up ($45!) and figured it was better that way. Also, since I didn't have that hair appointment, it would allow me to spend the day after all with the A-Team (s'what I call our trio). Then today at the football game, I talked to Bri's mom (since Bri and Cat are in band and I don't get to talk to them much) and told her that I planned to come over early and wait with Bri until Cat and Eva picked both of us up. She informed me tho, that Bri planned to spend the night at Cat's house ..... WHAT ?! I explained to her my situation, and she said that Bri had all her stuff with here in a friends car and had never heard of the plan I was told on Thursday night. I couldn't believe it. I felt totally and utterly betrayed and lied to. I was crushed. I thought I trusted those girls ... I thought they were my friends ... I thought I had finally found the girl friends I had missed for so long. *sigh* s'what I get for thinking everything's goin good. It's like that NickelBack song " SOMETHIN'S GOTTA GO WRONG CAUSE I'M FEELIN WAY TOO DAMN GOOD." It's such a true statement. I still had fun at the game anyway. I palled around with Johnathan, Chris and Aaron. They invited me to a church thing after the game but I really didn't feel like going. I came home afterwards, talked to jafo (thanks for bein there for me to talk - really helped) and just kinda moped. And just so ya know, here's just how good my friends are to me: I get a call around midnight from Riley, concerned after talking to Cat and hearing how I was being left out of this "suare" and what not going on at her house. I was crying and I told him the story blah blah .... but then he called Cat back and yelled at her about what they did to me ... AND ONLY THEN DID I GET A CALL FROM ONE OF THEM. Yea, 1 AM I get a call from Cat and she wants to know "whats going on." And "why the hell Riley's calling her to yell at her." Well, it's nice to know you care about me. I presumed to tell her how I felt ( oh yea ... I must include I was never apologized to for this whole ordeal ... they just tried to act like nothing happened ) through hy tears. She was trying to yell at me for saying they were going to drink (and I apologized for that ... and I WAS upset when I said it) and then tried to blame some of it on Davis ( which was most of Riley's doing anyway ). I just can't describe how hurt I was ... and still am ... hearing what they did to me. If they had just come to me and said "Bri's going to spend the night at Cat's because its just easier for them to get their stuff done in the morning" I would've been a little disapointed, yes, but a lot less hurt in the end. I still can't even believe they did that. But it's all over now ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^
I had a lot of fun at the dance tho. Chris and I looked classic together. He got me a rose, and we had our fangs and took our pictures together and danced during the slow songs. It was really a lot of fun. I'll post pics from the dance as soon as I can get them. But for the most part it made me forget about the shit I had to go through with the same two girls who were treating me like nothing the night before. I didn't want it to ruin my evening. I had prepared way too much to let that happen. It was definetely (i really need to learn how to spell that word) a night to remember. So I guess thats about it. Sorry it took me so long to write another post. I've been really busy and just haven't really had much to write about. So, until later, my loyal fans -- Ja ne
OK so here's part 2 of wandering, titled 'alone.' I wrote it during Accounting today, so I thought it would be a neat idea to scan in what I wrote instead of typing it. That idea was also kind of inspired by the way Green Day printed their lyrics in their new album. So anyways ... here ya go:
Hope ya liked that. Sooo ... I don't know if anyone really read the blog I posted yesterday (I deleted it cuz I thought it was stupid _<) but I had on there how much I hate bugs and also how I can go on and on about stupid things that make me angry. Anyway, you're about to get a taste of that. And I hope you can catch the humor, and the idea that I'm not really a raging psycho XD. (something that CHCA never picked up on ... cursed fools)> I fucking hate ants. I'm just going to come out and say it to start things off. They *REALLY* piss me off. They think they can just take over wherever the fuck they want and eat anything they come across. Well not today, Mr Ant, today you messed with the *WRONG* person. Would you all like to know what happened to bring this on? Not really? Ok, I'll tell you. It really goes back to this past Saturday. Bri, Cat and I all went out (YET AGAIN) Homecoming shopping ... this time for jewelery. And afterwards we met some new friends of mine at a Battle of the Bands at a local college (and that kicked ass ^_^). Blah blah, anyways, at some time during the course of the evening, and while I was driving, I handed my new pack of Orbit gum to whoever was in the backseat at the time. Assuming they wanted a piece, they took one, but instead of returning it to me, wedged it in the middle of the backseat. So, the past couple days I noticed a few ants here and there (and come to think of it, I noticed a tiny bit before I even picked up the girls ... but in a different spot) and took note of a small ant mound that had formed in a crevice of my driveway, right underneath my car. Oh and also ( I should mention ) before I picked the girls up, my brother and I had spent an hour or so, and about $7 completely cleaning out my car: vacuuming, washing and even spraying it on the inside with strawberry scented stuff to make the smell of Raid (from a previous invasion of those tiny bastards) and my grandma dissipate (which worked great, my car smelled so good for once ^^). And that brings us to today : after I got home from work, I opened the door to the back seat to get my backpack and what not out of the car, when I see this ungodly horde of ants herding around a pack of orbit and some things in their way. So of course I'm like :: WTF :: So my first thought, since it's Orbit gum, was that my brother was involved, since he *is* incredibly addicted to the stuff. But, of course, he wouldn't have anything to do with it once I told him to come clean it out. However, upon further mentation I realized what had really happened, apologized to my brother and preceded to drench those irritating lilliputians in ample amounts of Raid. Oh you best believe I soaked their little mound-sweet-mound next to my car too. Then I had to whip out the vacuum to make sure those loser-encrusted (haha Cat XD) little shits had a dusty and irreputable journey to the afterlife. And now, only after smelling like heavenly strawberries for 3 days, my car smells like Raid again. Yummy.Not to mention I feel like ants are crawling all over me. BLECH _
I'm on a beach, I can feel the sand giving way under my feet as I walk awkwardly along. I'm blindfolded, as all I can see is the black cloth covering my eyes. The air is comfortable and the wind is blowing. I can smell the all familiar scent of salt air and my feeling is of confusion. I have my arms outstretched, trying to find my way through the sand and I hear voices. I hear Cat, and sounds from her of joy. "Oh! You've found me!" she says and laughs. I turn in her direction."Cat? Cat, where are we? What's going on?" But I only hear her laughter and voices of another man as they walk away from me."Cat?! Wait! What's going on here?!" She's gone. I sigh. I hear other girls, their sounds of joy when their lovers find them, remove their blindfolds and walk off together. I can't remove my blindfold. As simple as the task may sound, it is impossible for me to remove it myself. It weighs heavy on my head, depressing me, burdening me. Why haven't you found me yet? Come remove my blindfold for me. Give me direction, I am lost and cannot see. Shall I sit here, in the cold sand and give up? Or is it worth pressing on, are you coming to guide me? My feet are tired, my head is pounding. I can't bare much more. Please, if you're coming, hurry to me. It's your decision to remove my blindfold. I'll be wandering around this world without you.
Let's see ... I haven't blogged since ... Saturday was it? Ya, I got the Sims 2 on Monday (^_^) after traveling damn near 25 minutes out to Super Target to get it. But WOW ... this game is awesome. You can completely customize your sims ... down to every little facial feature. It's scary really. I made a Sim rendition of Davis last night and I don't think he'll mind me postin it up ... so here ya go: (I'll get a reference pic up whenever I can scan one in)
heres another cute one I found just plain funny ^___^:
I'll take some more screens a bit later so y'all can see it. I must've sat there the first hour or so of playing with my mouth gaping open and my eyes as wide as they could go :shock: yea, pretty much like that.
I'm at work right now aaallllll alone in the office. Everyone else is at a funeral right now for an employee's relative. So keep her in your prayers, I know it's always hard to lose someone. I dunno, I guess I shouldn't be bloggin at work, but I'm just tryin to stay busy ^_^. I've got some streamin techno radio playin in the background from D I G I T A L L Y :: I M P O R T E D. It's all instrumental stuff but it's kewl. I tried to buy the new Green Day CD before coming to work today but damn Best Buy didn't have it. 'It's late' they said. I'm just gonna have to stop going there for new releases. I mean, I KNOW we had a hurricane and all, but I thought Best Buy would be one of those stores to bounce back and continue on like nothing happened. Instead tho, I'm gettin all my new CDs and games at Target - the place I'd think least likely to get new releases in on time right after a hurricane of that magnitude. Oh well.
I am so excited about Homecoming! I bought another dress on Monday (ya that makes 3 HC dresses I've bought haha but they ALL totalled $100 ... not bad). Get this: all black, corset, lace-up in the front, spaghetti-strap dress, about knee length in the front, sloping down to ankle length in the back. How much was it? $150 ... on sale for $20 o.O I'm sorry sir, but you can't beat that price. It IS the epitamy of perfect as far as dresses go for my vampire theme this year. I'm going to replace the black ribbon in the front tho with a red one, to match the black armwarmers with the lace-up red ribbon that I got, along with the black and red heels. Like so:
I did return one of the dresses today tho (the $75 dollar one - givin me some extra cash to spend XD), and now, with the dress, shoes, armwarmers, and fangs, so far my Homecoming total is only about $75. Which is about how much I paid for just my DRESS last year. So I think I'm doing pretty good iffin I do say so mahself. ^_^ So anyways ... thats all I got to say bout that.
Ja ne~!
OH an by the way, we got our new postage stamping thingy set up in the office today ... it is SO kewl. It seals and stamps the letters in one passing thru. Sugoi, ne? It also weighs the letters and automatically sets the postage rate. Meh, thought I'd share that with y'all. ^_~
...I don't even know where to start. Today was shitty. I'm so pissed off right now ... so much that I'm probably going over board with it all ... but I've got other reasons that just aren't as surfaced as my current woe.
So today, I'm excited because I'm going to try and see if theres a store that has The Sims 2 instock (it came out on Tuesday, but damn hurricane Ivan prevented me from buying it until today). My bro and I go to 3 stores, 2 of which weren't open, before going to Target and, after asking an employee, find the game - not even on the selves yet. I was SO happy! I was thinking " YES! I can't believe I actually found the game today! I get to go home, load it up and spend all afternoon, all night and all the next day playing. Life is good for once. "
One tiny thing I should've noticed tho, was the silver bar running across the top of the box reading "Special DVD Edition." I glanced at it thinking, 'Oh kewl, I get a special edition ... wonder what the DVD means ... prolly just a behind-the-scenes bonus disc type thing. Oh well .' OOooooh but no. It couldn't be just that. THE ENTIRE FUCKING GAME NEEDS A DVD-ROM TO BE ABLE TO RUN. WTF. You're probably saying to yourself, " Well? Whats the deal with that? So what?" Well, I HAPPEN TO BE ONE OF THE ONLY ONES WITHOUT A FUCKING DVD ROM. MY MOM's GOT ONE (that she doesn't need) AND MY BRO's GOT ONE TOO. Sorry for all the yelling ... I just wish for once that something dealing with my computer would be simple and straight-forward ... FOR ONCE. I have been waiting for this game for almost a year. It was slated to come out in Spring 2004 ... but that got pushed back to Sept. 14. This summer, $300 was spent upgrading my computer with 768 MBs of RAM and a semi-top grade video card, JUST so I'd be ready when the game finally came out. But now, (unless things turn out to where I can return the game, which is highly unlikely) I have to spend another $45 to get a new DVD rom ... Life sucks.
And now, I think, after being loveless for 4 months I'm just now feeling withdrawals. I miss having someone to love, or havin the feeling returned. It just seems now that I have no one, eveyone else has someone. Its all a big conspiracy is what it is. I tell you what. *sigh*
And now I'm so bored ... just sitting here looking at my opened Sims 2 box ... just laying there screaming at me, "Why don't you play? You've had me for 6 hours now and still haven't even installed me yet. Are you too busy? Got better things to do? Thats ok, I'll still be waiting right here for you, whenever you decide to play. I promise I'll be lots of fun. I'm so much better than the first game - you have no idea the things I can do now! Hurry up already will ya? I've got so much to show you!" And now you know just how weirded out I am ... the box is conveying it's thoughts to me telepathically. Save me ...
WOW. That was ... an experience to remember. I gotta think of where I want to begin! (how bout the beginning? K! sounds good! Here goes:)
WELL After I posted that last ... well, post, my battery backup shut off 4 more times. After the fourth one I just gave up and decided to watch Adult Swim until the power went out. I'm not really sure what it is about the eletricity around here, but the substations can only reboot themselves twice before the power goes out for an undetermined length of time. So, as I'm watchin Family Guy - the power goes out once. Damn. It's gettin close. It comes back on tho, so I bascially finsih watchin Family Guy, and then go up front to see what the rest of the family was up to. My mom was watchin the news on the little portable TV we have in the kitchen, and my dad was up there ... eh doin stuff I really don't remember but anyways. The power goes out again while I'm up front, then comes back on after about a minute. Both my parents say "One more time!" as the same thought runs thru my mind. Then my dad goes down to the den and starts watchin whatever TV he can before it goes out for the third time. I tell him to turn it to CH 28 (Cartoon Network for us) so we can watch Futurama. Blah, blah, blah. Then, about oh, say, 20 mins into Futurama, its almost over when the cable goes out. "Nooooooooooo!" I whine as my dad flips thru the channels, but alas, the only thing on is the ant race. Not even an entire minute later, the power goes for the third and final time. Damn. We lost power around 11pm. Now what?! We all sat around the kitchen table for a little while ... then I figured I was tired enough to go to bed. We all slept thru the worst of it - and it wasn't even bad enough for us to have to sleep in the hall - which was very good. Thing was - at almsot the last minute, Ivan turned to the right instead of the left, giving Mobile the lighter side of the behemoth and giving Pensacola and the places surrounding the FlorBama area the nasty side. We were really fortunate. I know of atleast 3 tornadoes that tore thru the city - one went thru the park in our neighborhood not even half a mile from our house. Here, I show you, weeth my map:
So ya, thats about the extent of it. And yes, I know Park looks more like Pork ... but its PARK, OK?! ^_^ I rather like my rendition. So there. *hmph*
ANYWAYZ I woke up about 9 am after every one in the entire world called our house .< For some strange reason I had hot chocolate ... *shrugs* it was good, but really would've been better had we some electricity, or had it been winter. I laid in bed a awhile ... listened to some Ayumi Hamasaki ... then me and by bro played a board-type game ... along with my dad we walked down to the park, climbing over fallen trees and avoiding the fallen power lines ... played on the playground equipment, meant for 5-12 ys orld ^_^; ... my bro and I played hackey sac (sorta - we suck XD) ... drove around the neighborhood, looking at the carnage ... played in the street some more ... ate burgers for lunch (cooked outside on the gas grill) ... drove around the city, only one traffic light was on after all the ones we drove thru - went to the highschool, saw some pretty major-not-going-back-to-school-right-away-type-damage - went to the office, some damage to the higher floors, nothing to ours cept some water in the lobby - went to my granmas old house, nothing happened there, drove home ... played in the street again, this time with some neighbor-kids ... walked around ... called Chris ... ate dinner ... decided to take a shower to cool off before it got too dark to see anything ... coming out of the shower (about 6pm) I hear someone makin some loud noise, but I figure its my lil bro whining about something stupid - but then I see the clock in my parents bed room blinking ... WTF ? *gasp* THE POWER IS BACK ON!!!! WEEEEEEE! I was soo glad when I realized the power had come on and it was staying on! I was literally jumping around and yellin quite loudly. I am SO damn glad we weren't going "for weeks without electricity." It hadn't even been 24hrs! *happy sigh* > AND Once I got dressed I hauled my monitor and computer tower out of the closet and plugged her up. I turned on the TV and was amazed that I'd even get the internet! XD And so, here I am. ^_^ All safe, sound and contented ... Hurricane? What hurricane? ^_~
Thanks so very much minna-san for keeping us in your prayers! I love you all ! XD <3 >
Mwuaahahahhaha! After phonin a few of my friends - it appears that I am, so far, the only one with power ^_^ I might have a full house tomorrow !
ok, so this will be my last post for ... well I'm not sure. We still have power, but the lights have been flickering, and my battery backup for this computer has shut off unexpectedly for the 3rd time. Ivan is expected to hit Mobile between 1 and 3 am, so I, with the rest of my family, will be sleeping in the hall tonight. Maybe it's weird, but I'm scared and a little bit exctied at the same time. After I finish posting this, I'll prolly stay online until the backup goes out again or until I get bored with the computer, then I'm going to unplug it and stuff it into my closet. Gotta be prepared ^_^. I thank everyone for their concern! I feel so loved XD! SO .... ya. I guess that's it. I'll be on AIM ( SN: bloodyveil ) for a lil bit longer incase anyone wants to chat. Ja ne, minna-san! Aishiteru! ^_~
Wow guys ... this hurricane is looking like it's going to be much worse than I expected. It's startin to scare me now, what with all this talk about Frederick circa 25 years ago and not having power for 2-5 weeks (what would I ever do without my computer? *sniff*) . So, that being said, this might be my last post for a long while, depending on where Ivan hits, and how badly he damages our area. I hope it won't be as bad as many are speculating. Today in government, Ivan and Frederick became the topic of our discussion instead of federalism (not like I minded tho, haha). But I'll miss you, jafo and kayoko! waaahhh!
AND, for those who haven't already noticed, my blog, indeed, has a new layout. I felt like the blog was dieing, so this new layout is one bold attempt to recessitate it, along with the plan to continue to blog and comment like I did before my job and homework took over my pathetic life.
SO, right now, in my life I am in big need of some encouraging words. I wrote a poem (well sorta) today in Accounting ... take a gander and let me know what y'all thank, k? ::
A bimestrial sleep might fix this mess But life will not allow me that luxury. My body refuses to let these tribulations Get the best of me. My mind and body, although made as one, Are seperate from each other. These daily doleful thoughts of giving up Or letting go, or wanting more than what I've got Have no affect on how my body runs it's course. My conciousness is lazy, weak and touchy But my fortress, strong and unrelentless, Pays no mind to her complaints. The mind would surely drift and die If not for Body's will to live And although they're not harmonic, the relationship they do share is somewhat symbiotic. Though my body is strong, it lacks the direction and though my mind is weak, it steers the way. I am thankful for the mind, that gives me ways To see the world, but if not for my body my mind would Cease to live.
*yay* no rhymy ... but I likey XD Although I think the beginning could be a bit better. Eh well ^_^
Hi all ... just thought I'd post a lil something to close the gap between my last post and now. I'm really tired because I was up late last night spending the night at Bri's with Cat after a football game and a field trip. Not to mention we went to Pensacola today to shop for homecoming dresses. It was actually very successful - I ended up buying two dresses: one 88$ dress on sale for 65$ and another 50$ dress on sale for 15$. Only thing is, I LOVE the bottom of the 88$ dress, but I LOVE the top of the 15$ dress ... and hate the other parts of both dresses. I'm going as a vampire (no, its not a costume dance, we just want to wear fangs and have an excuse to randomly bite people :} ) and I'm startin to get reallly excited about it XD. I might even buy my fangs tomorrow !!! ^_^ but anyways ... I miss you jafo and kayoko! I wish I had more time and energy to blog and comment like I used too :( . and speaking of energy, i'm pooped ... so im goin to beeddd. Oyasuminasai - Aishiteru minna-san XD
Yea sorry I didn't get around to finishing that post. Main thing is, someone let all the air out of Chris' tire and I ended up stayin out till like 1AM instead of being home by 11. Oh well. Things are alright now I think.
I feel like shit. Plain and simple. The past few days have been UP and DOWN and change on a heartbeat. I've been UP, havin fun with my friends, then DOWN again, worrying about my stupid parents and whether or not Chris really likes me. I'm depressed right now, so I feel like talking about the bad things. So take it. I don't know what the hells going on with Davis right now. I just got done talking to him amd I really don't know what to think. He hits me with this about my mom and bro constantly asking him if hes mad at me. I had no idea this was going on to the extent that it was upsetting him. I don't even know if he knew I was crying during the whole thing, but I guess it doesn't matter. And I guess it doesn't even matter if I'm crying now ... It doesn't change anything. I'm really sorry that Davis was mad about that whole thing. And I hate that my bro and mom are so annoying (not only to Davis, but me as well) when it comes to our relationship.
AND speaking of relationships. I know patience is everything especially when it comes to relationships, but this is gettin to be unbearable. I don't know if Chris likes me or not right now. I don't know if he likes ANYONE right now. He's leading me on if he really doesn't like me. I just want to go to sleep for a while and wake up when I can handle all this shit. I'm so fucking sick and tired of trying to be happy and carefree one minute and then being angry, depressed and helpless the next. I'm tired of being in these situations when there are 2 ways to interpret something: one good, and one bad. And both ways are very possible. LIFE SUCKS. I hate it. Why does it have to be so damn hard? I don't think I've ever wanted to go back to being 5 more than I do right now. Those were the days. When you were too young to worry about anything like Love, Death, Money, Time, Major Responsibilities and so on. I need something to knock me out so I don't have the need to worry. I don't like to be sad. I hate to worry. But I keep getting more and more reasons contributing to what I'm trying to avoid. I hope this isn't another sucky week. I can't take another sucky week. I need something good to happen for once ... just for once ... please. Somebody help me.
Well, I think I shall start with the events of last night, or really earlier this morning, since I remember those the best. OK. Friday, after school and all (nothing TOO amazing went on at school ... as usual ... oh, but wait there WAS! I'll talk about that later tho) went to work, got to wear jeans cuz Fridays are casual jeans day, oh and I also got to go home and fix lunch since I got out at 12:30 instead of 1 thanks to the Pep Rally schedule XD. Then I had to stay at work till 5:45 (I get off at 5) to help with the computer problems until my dad said we really had to leave, since we were planning on goin to a football game later that night and needed to get home and eat dinner before we left.
So anyways, Davidson High was pinned against Mary G. Montgomery High last night at MGM's field WAAAAAYY the hell out - like 30 min away from DHS. We (my mom, dad and bro (yay)) got there at about half an hour after the game started (7:30 ish). We were winning 20-10, it was 2nd quarter and the band was just gettin up to go warmup for their preformance on the field at half time. So, I only got to see Cat briefly before she went with the rest of the band. And I saw Bri, but she was practicin with the Visual Ensemlbe before they went out with the band on the field. So, I'm sitting in the stands with my lil bro, waiting for the band to get back and watchin the game now and again when I decide to call Davis, since he said he was sposed to be at the game that night. But of course, he didn't answer his cell for whatever reason. A lil bit later Chris calls me (XD), lets me know hes at the Ugly Mug and I tell him I'll come by a bit later.
2nd quarter finally ends, score still 20-10 and the band starts to perform. They were good, but I think I liked last year's theme better. MGM's theme was Pirates of the Carribean! Their visual ensemble had the cutest outfits, but they really coulda done better. Anyways, the band comes back and I go walk around with Cat during their 3rd quarter break. Fun fun blah blah so then we go look for Bri-butt and find her, talk talk fun blah anyways.
And so, 4th quarter begins and the score is now 21-17. I'm sittin in the same spot, but now with a senior who graduated last year from DHS. I had psychology with her last year, and I found she was actually kewl to talk to, since I hadn't spoken to her in class. Then Davis calls me back and tells me he's 'hiding from me' (haha silly Davis) but he still wouldn't come over and sit with me :(. We had fun but the refs almost cost us the game! We frickin score a touchdown, but the refs just randomly call an offsides ... wtf mates? Oh well, we ended up winning anyway XD.
(Sorry this post is so loooooong!) So, I couldn't get Cat and Bri to go to the Ugly Mug with me (they said they smelled to bad XD), but we went anyway, my parents wanted to see where it was I had been goin almost every night anyway. But I swear, I was so impatient and I just wanted to get to the Ugly Mug but traffic was bad, and then my dad decided to drive reeeaaallly sloow the whole way there. Jebus.
SO, me, my lil bro, Chris, Randy (aka Bobalso) and Aaron (aka George) hung out at the Ugly Mug for a while, goofed off, whatever. We played ERS (Egyptian Rat Screw), a lil hackey sac and laid on the floor (lol). Ya so about 11:30, we make our way out to the Chris' van, since he got stuck with takin all of us home (haha).
This past week has been really shitty. There was not really any one THING that made it so sucky, just the over all mood has been crap. But of course, I did have some rather good things happen, but it still didn't make up for the rest of the week. I had a few good days at work, some really bad, a few funny things at school, others boring. I had a GREAT Friday night when we (me bri cat and my bro) went to the ugly mugg to hang out. Only thing about that was Chris wasn't there. But I still had a blast nonetheless. It's been really contradictory lately. If that makes any sense. One good thing will happen, but somethig bad will happen at the same time. So it's hard to decide whether or not it was a good experience or a bad one. Friday for example, at WalMart, while looking for bri some hair dye, I saw Davis. But upon walking in his direction, I frickin bust the thong off my sandal (ya know, the strap that holds your foot in). And ya, those sandals I bought only 2 DAYS PRIOR!!! They were such cute sandals, too. :( and because of that, I had to walk around Walmart with my shoes off, makeing my feet black on the bottom, AND walk thru the parking lot like that as well, where I picked up a piece of glass in my foot (which is still there btw, and hurts like shit.) *sigh* Saturday, I had to wake up early to go to my fitness instructor course, then I went out again with bri and cat. I felt so ugly tho, cuz ... well I dunno ... the shirt I was wearing was just not workin with me that day. Bri and Cat looked so hot, and I was just kinda there. It was fun bein out with them, I would've been bored as hell otherwise, but I almost lost my sunglasses, and the cord on the bottom of my cargo pants got pulled out without me knowin when Cat stepped on it. OHyea, I also got my senior pics back and guess what? They look awesome, but the lazy bastards just put "Carol '05" on the damn wallets instead of "Carol Anne '05!!!!" CAROL IS NOT MY FUCKING NAME, IT'S CAROL ANNE. I DON'T SIGN MY NAME LIKE THAT FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES. GET IT RIGHT. Sorry about that, it just really pisses me off when I tell people my name, or after writing it down for them, they just call me Carol because they're too damn lazy to say both names. My mom's name is CAROL. I am CAROL ANNE. That's a DOUBLE name, with a SPACE, and and E on the end of ANNE. Damn. Is it really that hard?! Sheesh. Now I just found out my ear piercing is infected. Great. And hurts like a mofo. Not to mention I've got to write an essay, 2 short answer questions and study for a government test. Atleast I feel prettier than I did yesterday. I made some make-shift capris out of a pair boot-cut jeans I don't wear anymore. *sigh* I hope Monday is better. I really need a good week after that shitty one. Life sucks and I definetly need a bigger straw. So, if someone can help me, PLEASE DO. I need some cheering up. *RAWR* - JA NE Damnit!
Ya know what?! FUCK YOU, WORRYING! I'm not going to do it anymore! (well atleast about the little stupid things)
Over these past few days when I've really wanted to post stuff but haven't been able to, I've been literally UP and DOWN, or maybe thats more like emotionally, but anyway. Let's see, Saturday: Chris calls (eee!) and invites me to hang out with him and his friends (Aaron and Johnathan) at the mall (since no one had money for a movie XD). So I took Cat and her cousin Trish along with me, so I wouldn't be the only girl. Anyways, we got to the mall and stuff, and saw that Cat's newest love interest (in my terms, her 'man-hooer' or 'man-whore' which basically means any guy one's interested in, no matter if its just a crush or if he's a long term b/f) happened to be going into the mall at the same time we were arriving! So we went in and found Chris and his buds blah blah, talked to Cat's man-hooer blah blah, then we went to play hacky sac at the other end of the mall where there's lots of space because people usually don't walk there very much. But anyway, I've been a real ass about playing hacky sac lately. I'm new at it, so naturally I'm a bit embarrased, playing with Mr. Hackey Sac Expert, Chris over there. So he wants me to play, but I don't want to, but I do anyway, and I'm not really that enthusiastic about it. It was fun tho, I loosened up a little bit, but not really enough to enjoy playing. Anyways, we left there and went to Chris' house (he has a kick-ass room btw XD) and Aaron and Chris both played guitar a while and we goofed off, so on and so forth. (damn ... sorry for the long-posted-ness! and I'm still leaving out A LOT) Then we finally go to the Ugly Mugg (a chruch/funeral home that was made into a coffee-shop .. ya I know weird) and we met some other people there ... blah blah ... Chris was being really cute and flirty and it made me feel really good. I had thought he liked me, but I wasn't very sure of it until that night. And this, of course was my high point.
And now onto the low ... Monday, during lunch some guys get together to play hackey sac outside next to the cafeteria, and since Friday the girls (well minues Bri on friday b/c she was in Connecticut) and I started sitting outside to watch them play. Monday, I decided to try and play, but again I was being really unenthusiastic about it. It felt really good that night tho, because Chris invited me to the Ugly Mugg again to study with him - that was really nice XD. But anyways, today ... ya today was prolly the worst. I was totally being an ass about playing today ... I hate myself for it. But this is why I've decided to screw worrying about looking stupid or embarassing myself. I'm going to have fun playing tomorrow, and hopefully Chris will see that I can actually want to play, and that I can be more than an ass about it. I hate that it took me this long to see this. But I can't change the past, and the only easy day was yesterday. Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.
But anyhow, children. I hope you have learned a valuable lesson. What that lesson is ... well I'm really not sure, but it's important I know that. Salutations and Ja ne ~!
YAY! I HAVE REACHED 5007 hits! WHOOHOO! Ok anyway ... so now according to the almighty jafo, we are having a flash contest (flash FILES, mind you). So, his first move being the ever-hilarious rathergood.com kittens, I shall fire back with some [url=http://www.rathergood.com/vid...]'Crabs and Britney Spears'[/url] and some [url=http://www.rathergood.com/mar...]'Mark Llama: Gerbil Farmer'[/url] from the same site! Enjoy! :}
K but anyway, now for a blog. Let's see. All has been pretty well with me, cept for the fact that Chris hasn't been to school the past 2 days ... I don't get to talk to Davis very much (for some weird, unknown and various reasons) and Bri's leaving for Connecticut for a wedding and to visit a college campus, so she won't be at school tomorrow. And thats about the worst that's happened. On Tues. tho, (I'm taking classes to learn how to teach a Spinning class btw) I went to Spinning, and over heard a guy saying he was new to Spinning. I thought to myself 'Hooray! I can set him up on his bike and get practice teaching someone I don't know!' So I did and I think I did a good job! I was proud of myself for growing some balls and just talking to someone I'd never even seen before (he was kinda cute too - but I'm pretty sure hes a good bit older than I am). But it really sucks that I don't get to talk to Davis very much anymore. I don't want us to drift apart and stop being friends. *sigh* I've got a lot of homework to do ... but I really don't wanna do it ... and Bri's not going to be at school tomorrow!!! Oh well, cest la vie. I think I shall call Davis tonight and see whats up ... maybe even Chris ... and Cat. We'll see!
But I guess that wraps it up for now ... Aaaannnndd weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee!
Yep, I gots a new layout AGAIN. I'm still tryin to fix things because it seems tBLOG is not in the mood for me to change things around. I tried to change one thing, and it either wouldn't do it, or do the opposite of what I wanted it to do! Grr ... sometimes I wish I could write my OWN HTML for this thing. Oh well, tell me what you think! (it features Chi from Chobits btw CHII!)
"Your heart may feel like it is skipping a beat, CAROL ANNE. You are likely to feel a great up swell of love all around, but at the same time, you may feel unworthy of the rewards that it brings. Perhaps you have your guard up because you don't want to get hurt by thinking that there is something wonderful coming your way when really there is not. Always have faith that you deserve the best, and that the best is on its way to you." - That's what I got in my horoscope today, and it couldn't be more right. Usually those things miss the dat completely, but other times they hit the nail right on the head. I feel like a new relationship will begin soon, but I try not to make things more than they really are because I don't want to be disapointed when they don't turn out how I thought. I just have to be patient - and that's one of the hardest things to do!
On a different note, my brownie business is doing better than I expected! I've filled about 7 orders now. One from a lady at Office Depot XD! As we were buying some stuff for school, (my mom, my bro and I) my mom said something about the business and she then inquired about it. By the time we left, I had an order for 12 walnut brownies! That was really kewl XD I also took some samples to school today and people loved them. Some even asked about prices and such, maybe they'll even order! Maybe I can send yall some, jafo and kayoko, when I figure out how to ship them ^_^; !!!
Ok, I think that about covers it. Off to do my homework !!! Ja ne~! XD
