+At the Mo+ Actor:
Johnny Depp Actress:
~ Movie:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Singer:
~ Band:
~ Song:
~ Anime:
Gankutsuou Game:
The Sims 2 Drink:
~ Nails:
~
+In My CD Player+ >> Godsmack: Awake
1. Sick of Life
2. Awake
3. Greed
4. Bad Magick
5. Goin' Down
6. Mistakes
7. Trippin'
8. Forgive Me
9. Vampires
10. The Journey
11. Spiral
+Anime+
Lupin the 3rd
Cowboy Bebop
Fushigi Yuugi
Detective Conan
Fruits Basket
Gundam Wing
Angel Sanctuary
Trigun
FLCL
Tenchi Muyo!
The Slayers
Oh! My Goddess!
Vampire Hunter D
Inuyasha
DBZ/GT
Spirited Away
Princess Mononoke
OMFG what a hard day!! I had an Accounting report due today about my life up till now and how I see myself in ten years ( yea did I mention this is in ACCOUNTING ..?! wtf mates ) that I didn't even know was due today. It's not like I forgot ... or like I just plain didn't do it ... but I didn't even KNOW the MF was due today ... I just told the teacher that I left my poster (that doesn't exist yet) at home, but that I would do half of my oral presentation without it. I'm so tired of falling behind in school ... not knowing when things are due ... being too tired to do homework or study ... slackin on reports and projects ... but it's so hard to go to school from 7:15 to 1:00 then go STRAIGHT into work until 5 or later and then come home and jump into my homework. I just want to relax after I get home ... but there's just no time. Let's see ... today I have to do that poster ... precal .... read a section in government ... read my english assignment, study for an analogy test ... and I should really read Lord of the Flies too. Not to mention I need to fix a spelling error I made on the company christmas cards so we can finally get those made and sent out. *SIGH* School is too damn complicated.
..... OOH DINNER TIME!!! WHEEE!
AH that spaghetti was SO good! I feel SO much better now. It's amazing what effect food can have on a person ... specially a depressed beligerent one. That was my first real meal today since breakfast. Ah but anyway. Nice to be back everyone ... I'll soon lift the password but I still don't think it's quite time. Till later ~ Oyasumi XD
well guess what?! that post i made? YEA it got back to the office! I was backstabbed again! I was betrayed! How suprising. So if you're reading this right now you should consider yourself very very lucky. Because of what happened, I have been forced to password my blog. I assume trust in noone anymore. I have been betrayed and backstabbed for the last time. I should've fucking known. Oh wait but I DID. And I STILL posted. Well excuse me for trusting someone, and excuse me for expressing my opinion on a personal website. It's cottage hill all over again. Thanks a lot. I just want to go crawl into bed, go to sleep and never wake up again. I hate my life. I can't stand all this shit that keeps happening to me. I'm not a bad person. Why, God does this stuff keep happening to me?? WHY?! What have I done to constantly deserve this shit? *sigh* I just don't know anymore. I can't keep acting like everythings OK. I fucking hate this. Why won't anything ever get better? I cant stand it anymore. Somebody help me please ...
omfg i'm so depressed. i'm not even in the mood to capitalize my words so just deal with it. i just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep for a looooooong time. i am just so fucking depresed and its making me sick. i can't take it anymore and i just don't know what to do.
*sigh*
i just give up. i can't win. so many things keep going wrong i just don't know how to deal anymore. i'm sorry for being such a failure at life, everyone. i just suck at it and thats how it is.
unnh i have so many stupid problems and i just don't see how to fix them. i've already blogged about most of them so i won't reiterate. one new thing tho that i've tried to refrain from bloggin about is my work life. i really didn't mind it at first besides the fact that its kinda boring sometimes ... but lately it really upsets me. i work for my dad as a secretary, but its another woman that tells me what to do. she was all nice and kewl at first ... ... however it seems the past .... 3 weeks maybe i suddenly can't do anything right and i'm a total failure at everything she assigns me to do. i don't understand. I'M SO SORRY I SUCK AT BEING SECRETARY. I'M SO FUCKING SORRY I'M NOT YOU AND I'M NOT PERFECT. i would quit if i gave up on things that easily and i didn't need the money and knew it wouldnt dissapoint my dad. *sigh* it seems like shes thinks of me as a slacker and that im taking advantage of my dad for this job. and it seems i can never redeem myself. its only 4 hours but those are the hardest and slowest 4 hrs to go through most of the time. i'm usually not home until 5.30 and then i have to eat dinner, take a shower and then find some time to do my homework. i really don't belong there ... i was organizing a company scrapbook today and found myself so entrothed in coloring, placing, arranging and captioning the scrapbook ... ... i actually felt happy and contented. yea i suck at being secretary. i dont answer phones right: im rude and unprofessional. i dont type labels right: they're off alignment by a quarter of an inch. i'm stupid because i didn't know the 'library' room had a name. im secretly trying to crash the network by fixing a computer, oh and i know little about them. and i'm cheating on my timesheets by eating lunch and working at the same time. and if anyone was dumb enough to take all that literally ... maybe they should just calmy close this window out and go read something straightforward and explicit. and this is in the event that this SOMEHOW gets back to the office and i'm called in to talk about 'how i feel' toward my job, my preformance and the unamed woman. my accounting teacher today mentioned to class about how accountants are anal-perfectionists (not in those words of course XD) and damn is it ever true in her case. but oh well. i hope none of you think i hate her ... because she has done nothing personal to me to make me feel that strongly about it. i just don't like working for her. and thats how i'm going to leave it. i'm not going to come on here and bitch about it, mud-sling and slander the situation because #1 it really makes the writer seem less intelligent and #2 a freak situation occurs, this makes it to her awareness and then i'm reprimanded for my 'mistake.' life is too damn difficult. and it sucls. and i suck at it. but theres nothing i can do but deal ... so i'm off to deal with my shitty life and finish my homework. hope y'all's day was atleast a little better than mine ... oyasu.
Yea I should be studying Hard Times for a test I have tomorrow, but as you can see, I have chosen to exercise my right to free will and blog and waste time instead. After all, thats the true American way, ne? Today was kewl tho, I got to take off work ( boy was THAT a much needed vacation! ) and had a chiropractor appointment, then I went to Atlanta Bread Company and had a kick-ass panini for lunch, saved half for dinner, then went and got my flu-mist and then got to go to my therapist ^_^ . So after the therapist, I went to Davis' house, picked him up, then I ate my awesome panini and we then proceded to the library to research more stuff for our Government paper we have due on the 9th. Then, after that, about 8, Davis decided that he wanted to get some paint for his little Duo model, so we headed to WalMart. After wasting some time, meandering around WallyWorld, gettin Davis' paint, I decided we needed some candy. And that was an awesome idea. We got movie-box sized Bottlecaps, 2 Reeses's pieces, Nerds, Gobbstoppers and 2 giant chocolate bars. It so reeks of awesomeness. I'm eating a coke-flavored bottlecap now .... mmm .... ^_^ Yea so anyways .... I'll be on a good sugar rush the next week or so XD but overall, a pretty good day if'n I do say so mahself. I just wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow ... or everyday really. Oh well. Atleast I get paid ... ... but anyways ... just wanted to make a quick post ... so now I'm off to bed and study Hard Times. Oyasuminasai ^_~
New month, new layout. This is actually a reincarnation of a previous layout from a previous blog of mine that I had before switching to tBLOG. And I woulda stayed there had it not been for their damn ad banners they decided to suddenly press upon me. OH well ... (the guy in the banner by the way is Johnny Depp)
I've picked up my Janne Da Arc CDs and started listening to them again. I forgot how great they are ^_^ . I can't understand most of what they're saying but damn, they're just the greatest band ever. Can't deny it! XD
I hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine went something like this:
FRIDAY Btw, my middle/grammer school bud Lindsey moved back from Pennsylvania (like I thought she would ^_~) so I'm glad to have her back! Anyways - Friday after work, I went home and Lindsey came over about 6 and we chilled and waited for Cat ... who we had to eventually go and pick up since she was taking a while gettin ready, but it was all kewl cause Linz and I went to KFC and ate popcorn chicken XD. So then, we drove to my future home near the college I'm going to be attending next fall (it was my granma's old house before she moved earlier this year) which also happens to be like 2 minutes from the Fairgrounds. Oh, and the fair was in town this week also btw. So after pickin up Cat, drivin across town and chillin at that house for an hour or so we left about 10 and went to the fair for Midnight Madness. And I need to just add this in: I have always had a high respect for cops, especially since a friend of mine's dad was a cop, so what I'm about to tell you was really disapointing for me. But anyway. As we pull in, two cops are directing us, one showing us where to park, the other pulling us into the space. We get out, and one cop yells " Oh look, its a John Kerry fan who can park straight! " ( referring to the John Kerry sticker on the back of my car ... ) I couldn't believe it ... and then as we walk away he says " Better make sure your seats aren't wet when you come back! " WTF mates ... not only was that simply uncalled for ... but it came from a figure that I had always looked up to. Fuck that. Thinking about it now I really wish I could've said: " I really had a lot of respect for cops, but now, I see you really aren't anything more that what everyone says. Thats really sad and disapointing. I hope you feel better now. " But ya know I only think of things like that to say after the fact. Then it just does no good. *sigh* So anyway. Midnight Madness was a frickin blast. Linz, Cat and I had an awesome time riding all the rides. I'm so glad we went. Then, about 1:30 AM, we decided to head home. And after walking that hellishly long distance to the car, we get in and guess what ? THE CAR WON'T START. Brilliant. It doesn't even turn over. Looks like a battery problem ... so blah blah blah we get stuck in the parking lot of the fair until like 3AM before we can finally get someone with jumper cables big enough and an engine strong enough to jump us off. And as it turns out, my battery was fine. It just needed more water put in the cell things. Big fucking coincidence tho, huh ? I thought so. But no matter how many ways I think about it, I just can't find away to blame it on those cops. Damnit all. I'm kinda glad it happened tho, because Cat wanted to sneak out later that night and I really didn't want to, but it so happened she was too tired to after we finally got home. ^_^
SATURDAY Linz and I palled around, went to the mall etc etc. before we dressed up in our costumes and went to the long-awaited McGill-Toolen vs. Davidson football game. (we won 35-10 btw XD) Game was kewl, I went and saw Tim who's in the band for the opposing side, introduced him to Linz ... blah blah basic football game stuff. Then after the game, me and Linz went to Davidson to meet Cat and Bri as their buses came in from the stadium. We all decided to go to Waffle House ... blah blah. Cat I guess assumed I was going to take her home .. but I never actually said " yes, I'll take you home " I kind of gave a middle-of-road response. My mom called however on the way to Waffle House and told me to come home as soon as possible after we ate, and knowing Waffle House, that wasn't going to take more than 30 minutes or so. So Cat still wanted me to take her home and just not tell my parents. And I really wouldn't have minded doing that except for the fact that they expected me home within a certiain time, which meant I didn't have the time to take her home. So, I know her and Bri's nature, how they're sarcastic and bitchy and its really funny and cute, but ya know sometimes you can only take so much of it before you begin to take it personally. Cat, talking to Lindsay V (diff Lindsay) says " Hey, can you do me a big favor and take me home? " ... she replies asking wasn't I taking her home to which she says " No, bitch-face isn't taking me home." K. Thats alright ... I've been called worse by them before. But then after we pay, she goes back to Lindsay V while Bri's in the bathroom and asks again if she can take her home. Lindsay then asks why I can't take her home. And Cat replies " She can't take me home, shes afraid of her parents. They've got her whipped. " Wow. Now talk about good friends. I don't really care if she was joking or not but that really hurt. I just said " Mhm ... yea well I think I'm going to go now." And I just left. But did Cat give a shit? Hell no. And thats what I get for being such a good friend to her. I just don't understand why she and Bri are nice to me when they're seperate but while their together they show no mercy on me. It was really funny at first but they're really starting to take it a little far. I can't change them, but maybe they'll change themselves ... I can atleast pray.
SUNDAY ( halloween :} ) So after that little encounter, I was really not in the mood to spend much time with them. I went to the gym with my dad and my bro, worked out a bit ... Bri called, invited me to trick-or-treat with her, Johnathan and Chris called to invited me to Chris' for a bonfire and trick-or-treating. Kewl. We finished working out and went to the T-Mobile store to look at gettin some new cell phones. I didn't expect to get a new one that day, but the three of us all walked out with a total of 4 new Nokia T6010s for the family. Pretty nifty if I do say so mahself. We immediatly went to the mall and bought new faceplates so we could tell them apart. I got a really pretty solid blue one ^_^. But anyways. We then went to Panera Bread to eat dinner, and on the way home we picked up Davis so he could accompany me trick-or-treating that night. So, after we got home and I got ready, we drove to Bri's. Got there, Bri only gets Cat's bag and a bag for herself, not even bothering to get one for me or Davis and thats even after I asked for one. Whatever. So we walked around awhile ... blah blah. Then after gettin back to Bri's, Davis and I left to go to Chris'. I really didn't want to be around them if they were going to treat me like that any longer. I already wasn't in the mood. I try to just get over it but it's hard sometimes. And I know if one of them reads this theres a chance they'll get really offended. But I'm sorry it hurts me, ok? Thats just how I am. I can take beratement pretty well on the outside, but don't always let that fool you. SO ... Davis and I get lost on the way to Chris', but we eventually find the way and it's all kewl. And THEY atleast thought to give us bags to trick-or-treat with. So we actually got some candy this time around. ^_^ blah blah anyways ... nothing exciting really happened. Davis and I left a bit early since I knew Davis wasn't havin the best time cause those aren't exactly his favorite people, but I really appreciated him going along. I don't care what anybody says but he's always been there to talk to if Bri and Cat (or anyone really) have shunned me, whether on purpose or not ... like Homecoming weekend, but let's not go into that anymore. So anyways. I'm not trying to cause controversy between anyone, I'm just calling things how I see em. Cat and Bri, if y'all really don't mean for me to take what you say and do so literally, let me know every so often by trying not to act like you hate me. I'd really appreciate it.
SO how was y'all's weekend? Got in minid who you're gonna vote for? *sigh* Another thing that really put me in a bad mood this weekend is this reoccuring feeling of wanting to be loved. It really sucks to see all these couples and then just be standing there only imagining how good it must feel to be in someone else's arms. I think right now, that's one thing that would make me soo happy and contented atleast. Just to be outside, (if the damn weather ever realizes its fucking NOVEMBER AND NOT AUGUST ANYMORE) at night, in each other's arms, looking up at the placid night sky ... ah ... so sappy. Damn I hate my life. I wonder if I'll ever love again. I just hope God's hiding something really spectacular for me. All this crap I'm going thru is just sometimes unbearable. But I feel like it'll all be worth it at some point ... it just seems like that point isn't anywhere close by ... and won't be happenig anytime soon. Depression. Sadness. Loneliness. Sentence fragments are the only way to express how I truly feel. But then again I don't even think that can sum it up. Oh well. Keserasera, ne? Thanks for wasting your time reading about how much my life sucks. I appreciate your comments ... ^_^ Oyasuminasai ~
